I've suffered with mental health issues since the age of 8, I am now 42. I suffered really bad anxiety and depression after losing my Nan. From then I'd spent most of my life self harming and have had bad suicide tenancies.
It wasn't until I was under Mental Health again, around the age of 31, that I did some research and self diagnosed as having Borderline Personality Disorder.
The relevant tests were carried out and I was marked as a worst case scenario and put into Dialectical Behaviour Therapy for a year. This didn't help much.
From the age of 8 I've been under child guidance councillor's, adult counselling, psychiatrists, mental health doctors and a therapy group. I've been on most types of antidepressants,, mood stabilisers and antipsychotics.
"I was at a point in my life where enough was enough. I was sick of how meds made me feel. I was tired of relapsing every time I attempted to wean off of them and having to go onto something stronger."
The stabilisers and antipsychotics had a real bad effect and turned me into an aggressive monster. I was full of rage. I've been on mixtures of antidepressants over the years. Every few years they would have to be changed as I kept getting immune to them. Doctors would keep adding new ones which would have their own adverse effects.
I spent many years, on and off, using alcohol and cannabis to help calm my mood and mindset. Cannabis allowed me to function more acceptably, it calmed the thoughts and heightened emotions caused by the BPD.